The Calm Before the Storm
If you are reading this, you are probably in the period of time before a court gives the rules to follow while all this is being sorted out. We like to call it the “Storm before the Calm.” You may be feeling the delirium other people also experience when the reality life is about to significantly change comes into focus- albeit usually blurred by cycling emotion like anger, sadness, denial and bargaining. Maybe someone has moved out or there has been a revelation about an affair. Maybe, there was one more embarrassing situation at the house that has moved you over the tipping point. You may be in the period of anarchy when people act really stupid and do and say many damaging things. You may even have been served with papers. The funny thing is the rules during this time are actually no different than before. Nevertheless, we often get questions like the following:
“Can I change the locks?”
“Can he pick up the kids from school?”
“Can I withdraw money from the home equity line of credit?”
“Can she take the kids to her mother’s in California for the weekend?”
The answer to these questions is usually the same. During the period of time prior to a court order, you can do everything you could do while living together as a married couple. Think about it. While on the same page with your spouse, could you change the locks to your house if you wanted to? Yes, but you could also break your own window if you locked yourself out. Could you pick up your children from school without telling your spouse? Yes. Get the idea? You can do anything during “the Storm” that you could do before. Now, would it be a good idea for you to pick up the children without telling your spouse if you do not want negative repercussions? Probably not. Should you break your own window? Maybe under pretty extreme circumstances – get it? Let us caution you again just because there are no rules, it does not give you a license to do stupid things you would never have done while you and your spouse were on the same page. Be respectful to your child’s other parent. If you would not want it done to you – don’t do it! If you only act after thoughtful consideration and you truly put the best interest of your children first, you will be just fine. Things will get better and you will find your “new normal.” It just takes time. We can help you find this new normal, and it starts when you contact our office or complete our online intake form.
Patience and Poise
We have meetings all the time with smart potential clients. You’re like that. You know how to get things done. You are successful, organized and Type A, and if you are really honest, you will admit to managing your life more than living it. We do it too. Maybe you can really rock a checklist. We don’t sell you services you do not need yet. It is often evident during our initial meeting that for you to make a decision about the future of your marriage, you will need some information it will be impossible to get for several weeks or even months. We Type A folks are not very good at strategic waiting.
We don’t think GNR actually had your situation in mind when they sang about Patience, but the idea is the same. Because you live it, you forget how much life changes over the course of several years. From the perspective of a marriage on life support, it seems the steady beat of the past will continue into the foreseeable future, giving every decision the illusion of life or death magnitude. Let us tell you a little secret based on our collective years of legal experience – things change quickly and time has a way of revealing what you need it to, if you have a little patience, yeah patience.
The other part of a winning divorce equation is poise. To have poise is to have balance, to carry oneself with a sense of equilibrium – a relaxed ready position. Poise is a synonym for dignity. Be steady for your kids, steady in your thought patterns and move forward with cautious optimism, patience and poise.
Many times throughout the process, my R+E attorney told me I needed to have patience and poise. He drove that into my mind and ultimately the wait paid off. We got the settlement we wanted.
We all make choices every day that affect our forever. No question your life can take on a different paradigm in the blink of an eye, but we find in the realm of divorce, this is the exception, not the hard and fast rule. If you are walking through a divorce in Mississippi, whether or not you choose to come see us, open a blank document on your computer and type the words PATIENCE AND POISE. Put it in your favorite font at around 20 point. Now print it. Get some scissors and cut it out and tape it to something you look at every day. Maybe its your computer monitor, maybe it’s the dashboard of your car, maybe it’s the back of your smart phone, but live by the mantra of patience and poise in the heat of divorce and you will be just fine.
One of the ways to show poise is to get smart legal counsel by a team like R+E. Ask anyone who knows us, we have a good reputation for having specialized in high-end work for a long time. We are not perfect people, but when we make mistakes, we try to make them full speed. We believe in diligence and hustle.
We can help you if you are faced with divorce, child custody and visitation, property division, alimony, child support, prenuptial and postnuptial agreements, paternity, post-judgment modification and contempt, alienation of affection, alternate dispute resolution, adoption and every other aspect of family law. We have many high income, high net worth clients with lots of resources.