Cinco de Mayo is here, and while everyone else is reaching for their margaritas, let’s talk about a different kind of celebration—the one where you stop chasing after validation in relationships and start embracing your worth. Because here’s the truth: you are the tequila, not the lime.
Too often in relationships, one person falls into the role of the chaser—the one always giving, always compromising, always trying to prove their worth to someone who may not be reciprocating in the same way. But let’s set the record straight: you are not an optional garnish in someone else’s cocktail. You are the main event.
The Problem with Being a Chaser
When you’re constantly the one chasing, you’re putting yourself in a position of imbalance. Whether it’s in dating, friendships, or long-term relationships, being the one who always initiates, compromises, or seeks validation creates a power dynamic that erodes your self-worth.
People respect what they have to work for. Think about it: the best things in life require effort. A great career, strong friendships, and personal growth all take time and investment. So why should your love life be any different? If someone isn’t willing to put in the effort to be part of your life, they don’t deserve a front-row seat to it.
Why You Are the Tequila
Tequila doesn’t beg to be noticed. It’s bold. It’s strong. It’s the life of the party. And guess what? People chase it—not the other way around.
The same should be true for you in your relationships. You deserve to be with people who recognize your value, who show up for you, and who don’t need constant convincing of your worth. That doesn’t mean playing games or withholding affection—it means carrying yourself with confidence, maintaining your identity, and expecting mutual effort in any relationship.
The healthiest relationships aren’t built on one person constantly proving their worth to the other. They’re built on mutual love, respect, and appreciation. If you feel like you’re chasing, take a step back and ask yourself: Why do I feel like I have to prove my value?
Setting Boundaries: The Salt on the Rim
Healthy boundaries are essential in any relationship. Boundaries aren’t about pushing people away—they’re about maintaining respect and balance. Here’s how to ensure you’re not just chasing, but also being pursued:
- Know your worth. Your value isn’t based on how much you do or sacrifice. You are enough as you are.
- Communicate your needs. If you’re feeling overlooked or unappreciated, speak up. Your feelings are valid, and the right people will listen.
- Don’t over-function. If you’re always the one planning get-togethers, making sacrifices, or adjusting your schedule to accommodate others, take a step back and allow them to put in effort, too.
- Be willing to walk away from unhealthy patterns. This doesn’t mean cutting people off abruptly—it means refusing to stay stuck in a dynamic that isn’t serving you. Have honest conversations and make changes where needed.
- Watch for effort. Relationships require work from both sides. If someone isn’t putting in effort, it’s time to address it.
Keeping the Spark Alive Without Chasing
Being the tequila doesn’t mean being distant or indifferent—it means being confident in your value and fostering a dynamic where both people invest equally. Here’s how to shift the energy:
- Create space for others to pursue you. If you’re always the one initiating connection, step back and allow them to show effort.
- Cultivate your own passions. A person with a full, vibrant life is naturally attractive. Pursue hobbies, friendships, and interests outside of relationships.
- Express gratitude, but expect it in return. Appreciation should be mutual. If you’re constantly showing gratitude but not receiving it, have an open conversation about it.
- Engage in mutual activities. Instead of always catering to someone else’s interests, find things you both enjoy and do them together.
- Invest in self-care. When you take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally, you naturally exude confidence, and confidence is magnetic.
Navigating Challenges Without Losing Yourself
Relationships aren’t always easy. There will be times when one person is struggling—whether due to stress, personal challenges, or external pressures—and the other will need to step up. That’s normal. But when imbalance becomes the default setting, it’s time to reassess.
If you feel like you’re in a one-sided relationship, don’t ignore it. Resentment builds silently, and before you know it, what started as mild frustration can turn into emotional distance. Have honest conversations. Seek counseling if needed. But most importantly, don’t lose yourself in the process of trying to make someone else happy.
Celebrate Yourself This Cinco de Mayo
This Cinco de Mayo, as you raise your glass, make a toast to yourself—to your strength, your confidence, and your refusal to settle for anything less than a mutually fulfilling relationship. Because you are not the afterthought, the backup plan, or the supporting character in someone else’s life.
You are the tequila. Stand strong, be bold, and let the right kind of people come to you. Salud!
Ready to Stop Chasing and Start Thriving?
At Robertson + Easterling, we understand that relationships—whether thriving or struggling—shape the course of your life. If you’re feeling stuck in an unbalanced dynamic, unsure of your next steps, or simply need guidance on protecting your self-worth, we’re here to help. Whether you’re navigating a difficult marriage, considering divorce, or seeking clarity on your legal options, our team provides compassionate, expert advice tailored to your unique situation.
You deserve to be valued, not just tolerated. If you’re ready to take control of your future, contact Robertson + Easterling today for a confidential consultation. Because life is too short to be the chaser—it’s time to stand strong, set boundaries, and let the right path come to you.
