If you’ve ever walked through a divorce or any major life transition, you’ve probably heard people talk about “boundaries.” The term gets thrown around in therapy, podcasts, and self-help books, but when it comes down to living them out, most people struggle. Boundaries aren’t about building walls to keep people out. They’re about defining what’s okay for you—your emotional property lines—and sticking to them.
What I Will Do
These are your commitments to yourself and to others. They define the actions, behaviors, and choices you are willing to take on. For example: I will communicate respectfully, even when I’m upset. I will take responsibility for my own happiness. I will remove myself from conversations that become abusive. This part is about self-ownership. You can’t control anyone else, but you can decide how you show up.
What I Won’t Do
This is where the protective part of boundaries kicks in. It’s a list of lines you will not cross—your own personal code of conduct. For example: I won’t engage in name-calling or yelling matches. I won’t stalk my ex’s social media. I won’t sacrifice my values for approval or temporary peace. This keeps you from becoming someone you don’t want to be, even when the pressure is on.
What I Will Accept
These are the conditions and behaviors from others you are willing to live with. It’s not about being a pushover—it’s about being realistic and intentional. For example: I will accept that people will not always agree with me. I will accept that I can’t control other people’s opinions. I will accept shared parenting time, even when it’s hard. Acceptance doesn’t mean approval—it means acknowledging reality so you can respond rather than react.
What I Won’t Accept
This is your deal-breaker category—behaviors and situations you refuse to allow in your life. For example: I won’t accept being lied to or manipulated. I won’t accept verbal, emotional, or physical abuse. I won’t accept being pressured into decisions that violate my beliefs or boundaries. This part often feels the hardest, especially if you’ve spent years tolerating certain patterns. But drawing these lines is essential for your well-being.
When emotions run high, boundaries get blurry. Divorce can turn even level-headed people into versions of themselves they don’t recognize. Clear boundaries give you a compass in the chaos. They help you make decisions that align with your values instead of reacting to someone else’s behavior.
Boundaries aren’t about punishment—they’re about stewardship. You are responsible for your own energy, your own choices, and your own healing. Setting clear “will” and “won’t” statements keeps you grounded.
If you’re going through a divorce and struggling to define or maintain boundaries, you’re not alone. At Robertson + Easterling, we help our clients navigate both the legal and the emotional realities of divorce, so they can move forward with clarity, dignity, and peace.
