Few songs capture the raw desperation of romantic insecurity like Dolly Parton’s Jolene. The 1973 classic tells the story of a woman pleading with another to spare her relationship:
“Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene / I’m begging of you, please don’t take my man.”
The song’s haunting melody and simple yet poignant lyrics touch on a universal fear—the possibility of infidelity. But why do people cheat? And is Jolene really to blame? Research on infidelity suggests that the roots of cheating run deeper than the allure of an attractive third party. While Dolly’s narrator fixates on Jolene’s beauty—her “flaming locks of auburn hair” and “smile like a breath of spring”—the science of infidelity tells a more complex story.
The Statistics on Cheating: How Common Is It?
Infidelity is more common than many people realize. According to the General Social Survey (GSS), about 20% of married men and 13% of married women in the U.S. report having cheated on their spouse. The numbers are even higher when considering emotional affairs or online infidelity, and obviously, many people would never admit to cheating, even on an anonymous survey.
Interestingly, rates of infidelity vary by age. While men have historically been more likely to cheat, recent studies suggest that younger generations are closing the gap. In fact, women under 30 now report infidelity at rates nearly equal to men. Yet, in Jolene, there’s no mention of whether the man has already strayed or if he’s simply on the brink. This aligns with research showing that fear of infidelity—sometimes even more than actual infidelity—can erode relationships.
Why Do People Cheat?
1. Opportunity: The Jolene Factor
Much like the song suggests, physical attraction and availability play a role in infidelity. The Jolene narrator sees her as a formidable threat, but in reality, proximity and opportunity often matter more than sheer beauty. Research found that people in positions of power are more likely to cheat—not necessarily because of their attractiveness but because they have more opportunities to do so. Think of the extreme examples in mainstream media: Tiger Woods, Harvey Weinstein, and Sean “Diddy” Combs.
2. Emotional Dissatisfaction: The Unspoken Struggle
Although the narrator fears Jolene, she never questions the stability of her own relationship. Yet, studies show that many affairs stem from emotional neglect rather than physical attraction. Partners who feel unheard, unappreciated, or disconnected may seek validation elsewhere.
3. Evolutionary Biology: The Drive to Stray
Evolutionary psychology suggests infidelity may be hardwired. Men may simply be biologically predisposed to seek multiple partners to increase reproductive success, while women may engage in infidelity to secure better genetic traits or additional resources. Of course, this doesn’t excuse cheating—but it does explain why it’s been present throughout human history.
4. Personality Traits and Attachment Styles
Certain personality traits, such as narcissism and impulsivity, are linked to higher rates of infidelity. We have written a good bit about narcissism. Additionally, people with avoidant attachment styles, who struggle with intimacy and commitment, are more likely to cheat. The man in Jolene remains silent. Is he emotionally distant? This could be a red flag.
Jolene vs. The Real Culprit
Dolly Parton has said that Jolene was inspired by a real-life flirtation between her husband and a red-haired bank teller. But whether Jolene herself is the villain depends on perspective. In reality, infidelity isn’t just about an irresistible third party—it’s about choices, circumstances, and relationship dynamics. Research supports the idea healthy relationships are the best defense against infidelity. Studies show that couples who prioritize communication, emotional intimacy, and shared values are far less likely to cheat. In other words, it’s not Jolene that’s the problem—it’s what’s happening (or not happening) within the relationship.
Can Relationships Survive Infidelity?
While infidelity is often a breaking point, many couples recover. A study found that over 50% of couples who experienced infidelity remained together, though recovery depended on transparency, commitment to change, and often professional help. Interestingly, some couples report that working through infidelity strengthened their relationship by forcing difficult but necessary conversations. Check out our very first podcast on the subject, as well as this story about surviving chronic infidelity.
Final Thoughts: Lessons from Jolene
The beauty of Jolene is that it acknowledges a deep and painful insecurity—without providing resolution. Did the man leave? Did Jolene relent? We’ll never know. But if there’s one takeaway from both the song and research on infidelity, it’s this: cheating is rarely just about an attractive third party. Whether due to emotional neglect, opportunity, or deeper psychological factors, infidelity is complex. Rather than focusing on Jolene, perhaps the narrator should turn to her partner and ask the harder question:
“Why would you leave? And what do we need to fix?”
Your Next Step
At Robertson + Easterling, we understand every divorce story is unique. Maybe you’re the one who strayed, maybe you’re the one who got blindsided, or maybe you’ve just known for a while that your marriage isn’t working. Whatever the case, we can help you navigate what’s next.
So, if Jolene is knocking at your door—or worse, already moved in—give us a call. We’ll help you figure out where to go from here.
Let’s talk.
At Robertson + Easterling, we’re here to help you navigate your family law journey with expertise, compassion, and care. Whether you need strategic guidance, fierce advocacy, or simply a listening ear, your story matters to us. Contact us today to discover how we can help you find clarity, confidence, and peace as you move forward. Click here to become a client.
Jolene
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
I’m begging of you please don’t take my man
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
Please don’t take him just because you can
Your beauty is beyond compare
With flaming locks of auburn hair
With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green
Your smile is like a breath of spring
Your voice is soft like summer rain
And I cannot compete with you
Jolene
He talks about you in his sleep
And there’s nothing I can do to keep
From crying when he calls your name
Jolene
And I can easily understand
How you could easily take my man
But you don’t know what he means to me
Jolene
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
I’m begging of you please don’t take my man
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
Please don’t take him just because you can
You could have your choice of men
But I could never love again
He’s the only one for me
Jolene
I had to have this talk with you
My happiness depends on you
And whatever you decide to do
Jolene
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
I’m begging of you please don’t take my man
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
Please don’t take him even though you can
Jolene, Jolene
Parton, D. (1973). Jolene [Song]. On Jolene. RCA Victor.
