I’ve said for years that divorce is a chess match, not a football game. Football is all about momentum, adrenaline, and emotion—every play is a battle, and victory comes through force. Chess, on the other hand, rewards patience, strategy, and foresight. It’s about seeing three moves ahead, not just reacting to what’s right in front of you. When I sit with clients in the middle of divorce, I remind them of this distinction: you can’t muscle your way through emotional chaos. You have to think, plan, and move deliberately.
That’s easier said than done.
Not long ago, I met a retired Green Beret who told me something that stuck. He said, “Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast.” It’s a phrase they live by in special operations training, where precision matters more than speed. If you rush, you make mistakes. But when you move carefully—smoothly—you actually get more done in less time. The irony, of course, is that slowing down feels unnatural, especially when the stakes are high. We live in a world that celebrates busyness, equating motion with progress. But sometimes, stillness is the most powerful move you can make.
This truth applies far beyond military training or the courtroom. It’s relevant in relationships, parenting, leadership, and healing. When we’re hurt, we want relief now. When we’re scared, we crave control. When we’re lost, we want to sprint toward a solution. But real progress comes from a steadier pace—step by step, breath by breath, decision by decision.
I often think of the Guns N’ Roses song “Patience.” The lyrics are simple: “Said woman, take it slow / And things will be just fine / You and I’ll just use a little patience.” It’s a rock ballad wrapped around an ancient truth—good things take time. Healing takes time. Growth takes time. Whether you’re rebuilding a life, restoring trust, or redefining your future, you can’t skip steps. The only way through is through.
And when something feels too big to handle, remember the old saying: how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Big challenges become manageable when you stop obsessing over the finish line and start focusing on the next small, right thing. That’s the art of patience—not passivity, but disciplined progress.
I’ll be the first to admit that I struggle with slowing down. Most of us do. We fill our calendars, our homes, and our minds with noise because slowing down forces us to confront ourselves. But there’s a kind of quiet power in choosing deliberate action over frantic reaction. It’s not easy—but it’s worth practicing.
So whatever mountain you’re facing—divorce, business decisions, parenting challenges, or personal change—don’t rush it. Take the next step, and then the next. Slow down. Smooth it out. And you’ll find that the path forward starts to open up faster than you ever expected. Because in life, as on the chessboard, wisdom always wins over speed. Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast.
