Marriage isn’t a static contract—it’s a lifelong journey with unexpected twists, personal growth, and, let’s be honest, a few challenging seasons. If you think you married one person, think again. People evolve, and if you’re not paying attention, one day you might look at your spouse and realize they have changed in ways you never expected.
When you fell in love, you were fascinated by every detail—how they took their coffee, their thoughts on the world, the way they laughed at your jokes. But years later, you might find yourselves stuck in the routine of daily life, assuming you already know everything about each other. The key to a lasting and fulfilling marriage?
Constant curiosity.
Change is Inevitable, Growth is Optional
Every person experiences growth over time. The dreams, interests, and perspectives of your spouse will shift, just as yours will. A strong marriage isn’t about clinging to a past version of each other but about being invested in the ongoing journey of discovery.
Think about how much you’ve changed over the past five, ten, or twenty years. Your values may have deepened, your opinions may have shifted, and your interests may have evolved. The same is true for your spouse. If you expect them to stay the same, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Instead, embrace the evolution and make it part of your relationship’s strength.
This means regularly checking in with each other—not just about schedules and responsibilities, but about feelings, ambitions, and dreams. What excites your spouse these days? What worries them? What brings them joy? If you haven’t asked these questions in a while, it may be time to start.
Marriage is Work… But So Is Everything Worth Having
Let’s be real—nobody tells you that a successful marriage requires effort. Love, like any meaningful pursuit, takes intentionality. You have to show up every day, put in the work, and choose each other over and over again.
We often fall into the trap of believing that love should be effortless. But the reality is that anything of value—whether it’s a career, a friendship, or a physical fitness journey—requires effort. Marriage is no different. When two individuals come together in a lifelong commitment, they are agreeing to grow together, adapt, and navigate life’s challenges as a team.
One of the biggest mistakes couples make is assuming that once they’ve reached a certain milestone—marriage, children, a home—they can stop investing in the relationship. But marriage is not a “set it and forget it” deal. It requires continuous care and attention. The best marriages are built on daily decisions to nurture love, respect, and mutual appreciation.
The Secret Ingredient: Curiosity
So how do you keep the spark alive when life is constantly changing? The answer is simple: never stop being curious. Ask your spouse new questions. Try new experiences together. Be open to their dreams, even if they evolve. Stay engaged in their world, always willing to learn more about the person they are becoming.
One of the most meaningful ways to sustain curiosity in marriage is through active listening. It’s easy to assume we already know what our partner will say, but when we truly listen, we open ourselves to deeper understanding and connection. When your spouse shares their thoughts, resist the urge to interject with solutions or dismiss their feelings. Instead, listen with the intention of truly understanding them.
Curiosity also means supporting each other’s individual growth. Encourage your spouse to pursue their passions, take on new challenges, and step outside their comfort zone. Celebrate their successes and stand by them in their struggles. When both partners feel supported in their personal growth, the relationship thrives.
Practical Ways to Stay Curious About Your Spouse
If you’re wondering how to implement curiosity into your marriage, here are some practical steps:
- Ask Thought-Provoking Questions: Move beyond the routine “How was your day?” Instead, ask questions like, “What’s something new you’ve learned recently?” or “What’s a goal you have for the next year?”
- Engage in New Experiences Together: Shared experiences create lasting memories and deepen your connection. Take a class together, travel to a new place, or try a new hobby.
- Revisit the Past with Fresh Eyes: Reflect on how your relationship has evolved. Look at old photos, read old letters, or reminisce about your early days together. It’s a great way to appreciate how far you’ve come.
- Surprise Each Other: Small, unexpected gestures can reignite curiosity and excitement. Write a heartfelt note, plan a surprise date, or simply do something kind for your spouse without being asked.
- Read and Discuss Books Together: Pick a book—fiction, self-improvement, or even a marriage-focused book—and discuss it together. It can open up new conversations and insights.
- Stay Interested in Their Passions: Even if your spouse’s interests don’t align with yours, take the time to learn about them. Whether it’s a new hobby, a work project, or a personal goal, showing genuine interest fosters connection.
Navigating Life’s Challenges Together
Life will inevitably throw curveballs—job changes, health issues, financial stress, parenting struggles. These challenges can either drive couples apart or bring them closer together. The difference often lies in how well couples maintain their curiosity and investment in each other through difficult times.
Instead of assuming you know how your spouse feels about a tough situation, ask them. Instead of retreating into individual stress responses, come together as a team. Face challenges with a mindset of partnership, asking, “How can we get through this together?”
Another essential component of navigating challenges is practicing gratitude. It’s easy to focus on what’s wrong in a relationship, but intentionally recognizing and appreciating what’s good can shift the entire dynamic. Make it a habit to express gratitude for your spouse regularly—whether through words, actions, or simple acknowledgment of their efforts.
The Bottom Line
Marriage isn’t about finding someone you can live with—it’s about finding someone you can’t stop being interested in. If you and your spouse embrace the changes life brings with curiosity instead of resistance, you just might find that the best chapters of your love story are still ahead.
The beauty of marriage lies in its ever-changing nature. When you commit to lifelong curiosity, you ensure that your relationship remains vibrant, connected, and full of discovery. So keep asking, keep exploring, and most importantly—keep choosing each other, every single day.
At Robertson + Easterling, we believe in the power of commitment, growth, and understanding in marriage. But we also know that sometimes, despite best efforts, relationships reach a crossroads. Whether you’re seeking guidance on strengthening your marriage or navigating the complexities of divorce, our experienced team is here to provide clarity, compassion, and a path forward. If you need legal support or simply a conversation about your next steps, contact us today to schedule a confidential consultation. Click here to become a client.
