It happens almost every time I am in court. I will be cross examining a witness and he or she will ask me a question in response to my question. I get to ignore them. I sometimes get to ask the judge to instruct the witness to not direct questions to counsel. You see, when you are the lawyer- you get to ask the questions. That is one of the good things about the job. We ask. You answer.
So as you would expect, lawyers that handle family disputes are not immune from divorce- maybe because we ask so many freaking questions. You would think that after hearing story after story about the mistakes that clients make in marriage, we would be ahead of the curve. I don’t know if there are any statistics on this, but I would venture to guess that divorce lawyers are more likely to get a divorce than the national averages, despite the fact that we should be learning from the cumulative experience we have in marriage trouble. We are in high stress jobs, we work long hours, we come into daily contact with people in dysfunctional and transitional stages of life, and we are generally assholes.
My wife and I have a good marriage. I hope it stays that way, but we are not immune from periodic arguments. As you know if you have kids, there is almost no way to argue in your home without the kids being involved. My daughters will physically place themselves between us and vocally demand that we “stop fighting” at the least little sense of tension.
This brings me to today’s main point developed from my experience as a husband, father and divorce lawyer. There is a way to go through a divorce without ever making a mistake. All you have to do is ask yourself one question before you do anything. The question is simple: Is what I am about to do going to promote what is best for my children? That’s it- nothing miraculous. One positive thought before you act. Don’t you hate it when a lawyer answers a question with a question?
Q: Should I leave the home?
A: Is what I am about to do going to promote what is best for my children?
Q: Should I give my spouse any money?
A: Is what I am about to do going to promote what is best for my children?
Q: Should my wife and I try to negotiate ourselves?
A: Is what I am about to do going to promote what is best for my children?
Q: Can I bring my girlfriend over to my apartment?
A: Is what I am about to do going to promote what is best for my children?
Get it? When you need to know the answer ask that question and act accordingly. The best way to stump a lawyer in a hearing, deposition or trial is to explain how as the parent of the kids that nobody knows better than you, what you did was genuinely calculated to promote what is best for them.
How can I argue with that?
By: Craig Robertson
