It is the dog days of summer in Mississippi. We’re sweating through another July, football season is just around the corner, and around our office we’re putting the finishing touches on The Parenting Playbook, a resource designed to help parents navigate Mississippi’s new joint custody law and the realities of raising healthy children after divorce.
So naturally, I started thinking about skiing.
I know that’s a strange connection. Unless you’re willing to strap on a pair of skis and head across a harvested cotton field, there isn’t much skiing happening in Mississippi. But if you’ll indulge me for a few minutes, I think skiing offers one of the best illustrations of what parenting actually feels like.
If you’ve ever skied, you know every trail is marked with a difficulty rating. Green circles are designed for beginners. Blue squares require a little more confidence. Black diamonds demand experience and focus. Then there are the double black diamonds. They’re steep, technical, and often covered with moguls. The margin for error gets much smaller, and every turn requires intention.
Parenting works much the same way. The mistake many of us make is assuming every family is skiing the same mountain. We compare ourselves to neighbors, friends, or the carefully curated lives we see on social media, forgetting that some parents are navigating a gentle green run while others are hanging on through a double black.
Some children are naturally easier to parent. They sleep well, enjoy school, regulate their emotions, and generally respond to guidance. That doesn’t mean parenting is effortless, but the challenges are often predictable. You have room to catch your breath, enjoy the ride, and recover from the occasional mistake without feeling like you’re about to tumble down the mountain.
Other children require a little more from us. They may be incredibly bright but anxious. They may have ADHD, struggle with emotional regulation, or simply possess a fiercely independent personality. They aren’t “problem children.” They’re just different children. Parenting them requires more patience, more flexibility, and a willingness to adjust your approach as they grow.
Then there are children facing challenges that no parent would choose. Trauma, learning differences, chronic illness, significant behavioral issues, or serious mental health concerns can turn parenting into something that feels much closer to a black diamond. Every season presents a new obstacle, and every victory has been earned through persistence rather than luck.
But I’ve come to believe there’s an even steeper run.
Sometimes the child isn’t what makes parenting so difficult. Sometimes it’s everything surrounding the child.
Divorce. High conflict between parents. Two households operating under completely different rules. Financial strain. Addiction. Mental illness. New spouses. Stepfamilies. Endless calendar negotiations. Court hearings. Loyalty conflicts. Children who quietly feel responsible for keeping everyone else happy.
None of those realities automatically mean someone is a bad parent. They do mean you’re skiing a much harder mountain.
One of the greatest mistakes I see parents make is comparing their performance on a double black diamond to someone else’s experience on a green circle. It’s an unfair comparison that almost always produces guilt and discouragement. Parents begin believing they’re failing when, in reality, they’re navigating circumstances that would overwhelm almost anyone.
The best skiers understand something important. They don’t spend all day wishing the mountain were flatter. They study the terrain that’s in front of them. They slow down when they need to. They choose a better line through the moguls. They ask instructors for help. They know when to rest before tackling the next section.
The healthiest parents do exactly the same thing. They seek wisdom from counselors, teachers, coaches, pastors, physicians, grandparents, and trusted friends. They stop worrying about looking like they have it all together and start focusing on what their particular child actually needs. That’s not weakness. It’s wisdom.
After nearly three decades of practicing family law, I’ve noticed another pattern. The parents who eventually find peace are rarely the ones who received the easiest circumstances. More often, they’re the ones who stopped wishing for a different mountain. At some point, they accepted that this was the terrain in front of them, and instead of arguing with reality, they began learning how to ski it well.
That’s a lesson that applies far beyond divorce. Every family eventually encounters unexpected terrain. The question isn’t whether life will become difficult. The question is whether we’ll develop the skills, humility, and resilience to keep moving forward when it does.
As football season approaches, we’ll be releasing The Parenting Playbook. A playbook may be more fitting for Mississippi than a ski map, but the underlying principle is the same. Difficult situations call for preparation. Coaches don’t wait until the fourth quarter to explain the game plan, and parents shouldn’t have to figure everything out alone after life has already become hard.
If your family feels like it’s navigating a double black diamond right now, don’t assume you’re failing simply because it’s difficult. Some mountains really are steeper than others. Your responsibility isn’t to flatten the slope. It’s to keep showing up, making the next wise turn, and helping your child reach the bottom knowing they were loved through every part of the journey.
