I have a theory about good girls that cheat in Mississippi. I am stipulating in the first paragraph that I know very little about the way women think. The sum total of my knowledge comes from my experience in the dating world (years ago), my representation of about 350 or so women of all ages going through a divorce or family crisis, and my wife and two daughters. Any of these references (with the exception of Mollie Ann and Emma) could possibly tell you that I don’t know jack, but here goes anyway.
I will start where it ends. I am sitting in a consultation with a new, female client and I have just finished going over the background information, stuff about the kids and the basic facts about the family finances. I put down my pen and say “Tell me your story.” Having been in so many of these meetings, many times I could tell the potential client their story for them, but I believe in letting the client do most of the talking when I meet with them for the first time. Because I know what I am doing when it comes to divorce and family law, it usually doesn’t take me long to develop the goals and a plan for the client when it is my turn to talk.
She tells me how controlling her husband is or how consumed with his hobbies or work he has become. She tells me that she sleeps with the kids most of the time and they have not consistently slept in the same bed in months or sometimes years. She and her husband may or may not be having sex but when they do, she feels like she is going through the motions and is pretty much “with him” so she does not have to deal with his temper or moodiness when she deprives him of sex. She may or may not have found pornography on the computer history. Most of the time, she has been the person primarily responsible for taking care of the kids on a daily basis, but she has noticed as of late he is taking a more active role with them, which but for the talk of divorce, she would have been thrilled for him to do. She tells me that they are basically roommates, and bad ones at that.
I will usually ask a question that goes something like this “Does either spouse have suspicion of adultery?” She often replies that she does not know if he is cheating or not, but she knows he has to have sex, so if they are not sleeping together, he is sleeping with someone. She does not have a name or a phone number. She then tells me that she has a friend from work (or the gym or church or that she met through her husband or _______________ – fill in the blank) and they are having an emotional relationship, but it has not become physical. She tells me that he is so nice and he listens to her and he makes me feel special and that if she does get a divorce, she can see him being a part of her life.
She is a moth to a flame. When she gets too close, her wings are going to get burned.
As you are painfully aware if you are breathing oxygen and live on the planet earth, men and women are different. Men are from Mars and women are from Venus or what freaking ever- we are just made by our Creator in vastly different ways because we have different roles in the sacrament of marriage and parenting and community.
Good girls don’t cheat until their husband so emotionally starves them that they will drink from a puddle on the side of the road to quench their thirst for intimacy. The new guy gets her, he listens to her, he makes her feel sexy and worthy and she knows the relationship is wrong, but she needs the type of fulfillment and validation that she is getting from Mr. X.
She is afraid of getting caught. She is horrified that she will lose her children, not to mention that the ladies at church or the junior league will think she is a you know what. However, she is so thirsty and she has told so many lies that she can hardly keep up with them anymore.
So if I have just described you, what do you do? Call our office immediately. Adultery is grounds for divorce, but it is also a factor that the Court will use to examine your custody position. Also, being guilty of adultery will have a significant impact on any request for alimony. If you are guilty of adultery, there are things we can do to limit your exposure, but the longer you wait to get good counsel, the worse things are going to be.
By: Craig Robertson