There’s a lyric from U2’s Ordinary Love that stops you in your tracks:
“I can’t fight you anymore, it’s you I’m fighting for.”
What a paradox. And what a perfect summary of what so many of our clients are feeling when they come through our doors.
Marriage is beautiful. Marriage is hard. Both can be true at the same time. For most people, the decision to divorce isn’t sudden. It’s not usually triggered by one terrible fight or an unforgivable betrayal. More often, it’s a quiet accumulation of unmet needs, misunderstood intentions, and slow-growing disconnection. At some point, you realize you’ve been locked in conflict for so long, you can’t tell whether you’re fighting against your spouse—or for the life you once dreamed of building together.
And that’s the tension of ordinary love.
Because the truth is, most marriages aren’t epic dramas. They’re daily choices. They’re 6 a.m. wake-ups, kid drop-offs, late-night dishes, and quietly scrolling your phones from opposite ends of the couch. It’s not glamorous, but it is real. It’s where the work of love happens—if we let it. And sometimes, the fight is worth it. Sometimes, what you’re really fighting for is the “us” you lost somewhere along the way. You go to counseling. You read the book. You lower your voice. You show up. You try again.
But sometimes, letting go is the fight—for your dignity, your peace, your chance to rebuild. You stop fighting each other and start choosing what’s best for everyone involved, including the kids.
Whether you’re in a season of staying or a season of leaving, we want you to know something: It’s okay to feel conflicted. It’s okay to be tired. It’s okay to still love someone and know you can’t live with them anymore. That’s the complexity of ordinary love—and the courage it takes to decide what’s next.
So we leave you with the full lyrics to U2’s Ordinary Love, not as legal advice (our lawyers would be upset), but as poetry for your heart. Read them slowly. Reflect. You may find yourself somewhere between the lines.
U2
Ordinary Love (2013)
The sea wants to kiss the golden shore
The sunlight warms your skin
All the beauty that’s been lost before wants to find us againI can’t fight you any more, it’s you I’m fighting for
The sea throws rock together but time leaves us polished stonesWe can’t fall any further if
We can’t feel ordinary love
And we can’t reach any higher,
If we can’t deal with ordinary loveBirds fly high in the summer sky and rest on the breeze.
The same wind will take care of you and I.
We’ll build our house in the trees.Your heart is on my sleeve
Did you put it there with a magic marker?
For years I would believe that the would couldn’t wash it away‘Cause we can’t fall any further if
We can’t feel ordinary love
And we can’t reach any higher,
If we can’t deal with ordinary loveAre we tough enough for ordinary love?
We can’t fall any further if
We can’t feel ordinary love
And we can’t reach any higher,
If we can’t deal with ordinary loveWe can’t fall any further, if
We can’t feel ordinary love
And we can’t reach any higher,
If we can’t deal with ordinary love
Let’s Talk
If you’re standing at that crossroads, unsure whether to stay or to go, you don’t have to figure it out alone. At Robertson + Easterling, we’ve walked alongside countless individuals facing the same heart-wrenching questions. Whether you ultimately choose to fight for your marriage or chart a new path forward, we can help you gain clarity and create a plan with compassion and wisdom.
Contact us today to schedule a confidential consultation. Your next step doesn’t have to be the hardest one you’ve ever taken—just the most honest.
