Your marriage is crumbling or has crumbled around you.  Maybe you have been unhappy for a long time, but maybe this whole thing really just blindsided you.  Everything you thought you knew about your future is about to change and it scares the sh*t out of you. 

You have friends who won’t talk to you, your kids are caught in the middle and your spouse is unrecognizable. You can’t sleep, you are losing weight, and you can’t concentrate at work.  Your car needs new tires and you don’t have any money.   You are drinking too much, your attorney fee bill is outrageous and you think you are going crazy.  The stupid dog even bit you this morning. 

This is divorce.

Divorce is war.  While it does not have to entail a bloody court date with your spouse, it is a battle none-the-less.  Usually, the conflict is within you.  The combat is waged in your mind and in your heart.  Divorce is spiritual.  The energy surrounding your life is all out of whack, and frankly it sucks.

Whether you think about it or not, life has a certain rhythm.  It often lulls us to sleep.  We go through seasons –some are good, many are bad.  Divorce is only a season.  While there is chaos indeed, the natural inclination of the world is to return to order.  While your life seems unmanageable, balance will return.  While you feel unlovable for the things you have done or for that which was done to you, love will return.  Your kids are tougher than you think, and if you love them well, they will love you back.  It is their design.

The prognosis is good.  This season will end.  Just like a forest decimated by fire, new life will return.  You are a champion.  The heat has changed you for the better.  There is greatness within you only discoverable through divorce.  You have friends and family who love you unconditionally.  Jesus is real.  Stuff is not important.  You can make it.  You are a soldier.  You are a winner.  It is not just your fault.  Sometimes you have to fail before you can succeed.  There are people you can trust, and many who are proud of you.  Put on your big girl pants or your man boots and get out there and compete.

You will do better next time, and there will be a next time.  

Craig Robertson is a family law attorney practicing throughout Mississippi.

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